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The relationship that lasts

Baltic Sails - Progresss through Research
Published by Yannic-Tim Noack in mindset · 20 February 2021
Tags: relationship
The relationship that lasts
Relationship are something that often become a short shot in today's society. Social media and our lack of intimate relationships, especially in our generation, sometimes freaks me out. I am not excluding myself from this either but I think that we, as a two person team in competitive sailing do have some insight into long-term collaborative relationships under high pressure.

What teaming up means to us
Teaming up means sharing responsibility.
Responsibility is a strong word.
Mental responsibility and time
When I say mental responsibility, I am talking about time and dedication. We have both noticed that the drive that makes you train in the gym every day and the drive for boatbuilding and preparation are directly linked to measurable timelines and days on the water. If there are no days on the water, there is no drive. If there is no fixed date that we are working towards being on the water, there is no drive.
This effect follows thorugh into our private lives as well and influences the general purpose in life we feel.
As Simon Sinek once said when talking about mechanics in the air force relating to pilots and their planes, there is too much abstraction between saying that your work is related to something bigger than just you.
The fact that the goal is in such a far distance is a kind of abstraction. Especially if it is not you doing doing the work that delay the team.
The same counts for the opposite side. If you are the one doing the work that the team is depending on for progress to occurr, you may be loosing the motivation to carry on with that work if you forget the purpose or the person that is affected by you doing the work you are doing.

That is why we make sure to call or meet at least once a week to catch up on eachother's worries and problems but also to share fun stories, ideas and possible future events.
Giving everything is the only way of establishing full trust
Metaphor:A boy with a collection of  beatiful marbles and a girl with a collection of the sweetest sweets once met. The boy asked if they could switch and he could have all the sweets and the girl all the marbles. The girl agreed and so they switched. The boy however, kept the most beatiful of all marbles and later when he got home he was dwelling upon whether the girl had given him all the sweets or maybe if she had kept the sweetest of them all. He wasn't able to settle.
How giving everything establishes intimacy and trust
People often apply what they are doing to people around them. So if you are not willing to be open and build intimacy with something, you are not likely to expect the same from the other person. At the same time, if you re not approached with this mindset, you are also not willing to open up either. It is the balance between the two people that makes or breaks the realtionship.

That being said, if you know there is nothing more you can do to improve the performance you are lacking (notice I am saying lacking, meaning not going overboard with anything), you are most likely going to think you team mate is doing the same for you.
If you are doing your max and you think your team mate is not giving his very best, there is a problem. Either you are setting your expectations too high (or you are not sharing expectations) or there really is an issue with dedication in your team. In both cases you should probalby just have a talk together.
Sharing your values and expectations and how that helps to find common terms
We are all humans, we are all imperfect. Being in a relationship means to accept and work on those imperfection and using the ither person in the relationship to collaboratively build something great, from which the both of you can benefit.
Share what you want to achieve, share the investment you are willing to make, share your mental state and how the fuck you are really feeling. It doesn't matter what the other person think of you. If you want to succeed in the long term that is your way to go.
The concrary
If you get into the scene together with different goals (I had a lot of this back in the 29er) or different expectations of how these goals look like you will end up as two different people on the wrong boat. One person will prefer to celebrate their birthday at home with his friends while the other one will still go to the gym and train on the same day. This will just split the two of you.

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